A Turk appears in an Australian court

WARNING: Not for the very easily offended, but apparently true. And outrageously funny.

Transcript from a pretrial hearing that took place on May 5 1997 in a criminal court in Adelaide, Australia, before Judge Roy Grubb. In the transcript, the prisoner is Yusuf Biyikli, a Turkish immigrant charged with assault occasioning actual bodily harm. Mr Smart is the attorney for the crown. (The charge is read).

PRISONER: Shut up, fucking poofter. You poofter, thank you.

HIS HONOR: You just keep quiet, we will have a word with you in a moment.

PRISONER: Fuck to you. All right, you poofter. All right, I fuck you. That is answer.

HIS HONOR: It is said that you assaulted …

PRISONER: Fuck the English, fuck the colony, all right.

HIS HONOR: If you don’t shut up …

PRISONER: Fuck the judge too. That is not true.

HIS HONOR: Do we assume this is a plea of not guilty?

MR SMART: Yes, I think we can assume that.

PRISONER: I fuck you, answer you, stuff you, poofter. Is that enough for you answer?

HIS HONOR: That is no answer, but I take it as a plea of not guilty. In view of the outrageous outburst from the accused, I assume that the torrent of language from him is a plea of not guilty to each count. Remanded for trial. Has anyone been imprudent enough to grant a bail agreement?

MR SMART: I hesitate to ask him.

PRISONER: Fuck you.

HIS HONOR: Do you wish to ask for bail?

PRISONER: You ask yourself bail, poofter. Now ask me.

HIS HONOR: I don’t have to ask.

PRISONER: Fuck the bail. Fuck Australia.

HIS HONOR: I take it then you don’t wish to seek bail.

PRISONER: Stuff that.

HIS HONOR: No application for bail. The accused is remanded for trial in

PRISONER: Fucking bastard, poofter, melon arse.

Masterful understatement from both judge and barrister: “I take that as a plea of not guilty” and “I hesitate to ask him”.

And “melonarse”??? What does that mean, for God’s sake?

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