a life of cheerful simplicity
WARNING: Not for the very easily offended, but apparently true. And outrageously funny.
Transcript from a pretrial hearing that took place on May 5 1997 in a criminal court in Adelaide, Australia, before Judge Roy Grubb. In the transcript, the prisoner is Yusuf Biyikli, a Turkish immigrant charged with assault occasioning actual bodily harm. Mr Smart is the attorney for the crown. (The charge is read).
PRISONER: Shut up, fucking poofter. You poofter, thank you.
HIS HONOR: You just keep quiet, we will have a word with you in a moment.
PRISONER: Fuck to you. All right, you poofter. All right, I fuck you. That is answer.
HIS HONOR: It is said that you assaulted …
PRISONER: Fuck the English, fuck the colony, all right.
HIS HONOR: If you don’t shut up …
PRISONER: Fuck the judge too. That is not true.
HIS HONOR: Do we assume this is a plea of not guilty?
MR SMART: Yes, I think we can assume that.
PRISONER: I fuck you, answer you, stuff you, poofter. Is that enough for you answer?
HIS HONOR: That is no answer, but I take it as a plea of not guilty. In view of the outrageous outburst from the accused, I assume that the torrent of language from him is a plea of not guilty to each count. Remanded for trial. Has anyone been imprudent enough to grant a bail agreement?
MR SMART: I hesitate to ask him.
PRISONER: Fuck you.
HIS HONOR: Do you wish to ask for bail?
PRISONER: You ask yourself bail, poofter. Now ask me.
HIS HONOR: I don’t have to ask.
PRISONER: Fuck the bail. Fuck Australia.
HIS HONOR: I take it then you don’t wish to seek bail.
PRISONER: Stuff that.
HIS HONOR: No application for bail. The accused is remanded for trial in
PRISONER: Fucking bastard, poofter, melon arse.
Masterful understatement from both judge and barrister: “I take that as a plea of not guilty” and “I hesitate to ask him”.
And “melonarse”??? What does that mean, for God’s sake?